Don't make someone else break the rules

Uncategorized Jul 07, 2020

The other day I was driving along a road near my house and the car in front of me stopped with their indicator on to turn right into a side street.  

There was a car waiting at that intersection which wanted to turn right into the street I was on and the person in the car in front of me waived this person to turn right before they made their turn.  That is, the driver in front of me deliberately told the person in the other car to break to the rules and not give way. GAH!

They did this because they wanted to do a U-turn at the intersection and this other car was making that maneuver a bit difficult. 

BUT if one of them changed their mind, then there would have been an accident and the person who was asked to break the law would have been in the wrong. 

I think it is incredibly unfair to expect someone to break the rules for your personal benefit.  

I sometimes see this happen in workplaces; e.g. someone wants to change the roster against the wishes...

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Managing expectations

Uncategorized Jul 07, 2020


My grand-daughter, Sadie, is a two-and-a-half-year-old ballerina. 

She has been a ballerina for about 12 months.  She’s keen on the outfit, the ballet shoes, the routine and the fun of ballet lessons. 

But COVID put a sudden halt to Sadie’s career expectations of being a ballerina.  With a moment’s notice ballet became an online activity.  Sadie persisted, sort of. She would happily dress for the occasion but very quickly she would lose interest and choose to sit out the class preferring to watch the other children dance and float around.  It just wasn’t the same. It’s hard to be a virtual ballerina. 

Then excitedly ballet lessons in person were back on.  Sadie was up early. Dressed in all her ballet gear, and she was sure that her career was back on track. 

But then only two children showed up and she and the other ballerina weren’t allowed to use the props (because you know…...

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What don’t you know?

Uncategorized Jul 07, 2020

One of the best things about getting older is that you realise that you don’t know very much.  It’s such a relief.  

It’s so hard to know everything; to have an opinion on everything. 

My husband can recite poetry; which means that he is very clever.  He also has this incredible memory for interesting facts and history.  Me, not so much. My only party trick is that I am good at remembering people’s birthdays.  I can also entertain my children for hours with my interpretation of the lyrics of hits from the 70s and 80s. 

In the various workplaces that I have spent time in, I have found that many leaders often think that they need to know everything.  That to be a competent leader you have to a handle on every aspect of the organisation or the business. These leaders often spend a huge amount of time checking up on everyone and what they are doing (and they can get accused of micromanaging or interfering too much). As...

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You say Sarah and I say Sara

respect Jul 07, 2020

In a workshop that I recently ran, the team I was working with discovered that they had been mispronouncing one of the team-mate's name incorrectly since ... forever.  

The team weren't trying to be rude, but clearly this person had not felt safe or comfortable enough to speak up and tell everyone that they had been pronouncing her name incorrectly. She just put up with it, to keep the peace.  

Whenever I run a session on ‘What does respect look like in this team?’ we get a wish list of things people would like. It basically creates a list of ‘above the line’ behaviours.  

We don't have this conversation until we have created a safe space; you can't just launch into such a personal subject. But when we do, there is an instant relief that team members can raise issues that are really important to them that they haven't felt comfortable raising before.  

And everyone in that workshop now knows what respect looks like in...

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How do you hold your knife and fork?

Uncategorized Jun 12, 2020

My mother was a snob. This was despite the fact that we had no money. But she had, apparently, “come from money” and that was how she saw the world. 

My mum had a lot of rules around who was 'good' and who was not.  She liked 'old money' and was critical of 'new money' (whatever that was).  It was of great importance that you went to a 'good school'. The profession of your friends’ father was also critical.  So many rules. 

But the standout rule, the rule that proved that you were worthy of my mother’s attention was how you held your knife and fork.  If you got that part of the puzzle wrong - you were out, no further questions needed. 

To this very day, I will judge you if you hold your knife and fork 'incorrectly'. I can’t help myself. It is hardwired into me that there is only one way to hold your knife and fork and that is the correct way.  

But these days I just let that judgment come and go.  I...

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What is a virtual offsite?

leadership Apr 14, 2020

2020! What a year it has been! 

The worst drought in history, a tragic bushfire season that wrought havoc and pain across the nation and then we go into lockdown because of COVID-19! And it’s only April. 

For many people, their worlds have been turned upside down and there is this weird feeling of grief for what was, possibly incomes and opportunities lost, stress and fear about the virus (the invisible enemy) and what our world will look like in a few months time, and maybe even some relief and joy in the ability to slow down for a period of time. 

And still, the show must go on.  

If you are fortunate enough to have a team that is still able to work at this time, chances are you are either working from home or you might be in the front line dealing with high levels of stress on a daily basis. 

If your team has had to be stood down, you will still need to check in with your people on a regular basis to ensure that they are going okay and to...

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Leading with excitement

Uncategorized Mar 29, 2020

I saw a great Mel Robbins video the other day about how she doesn’t get nervous before she speaks on stage.

She said that the body’s response to nervousness is almost identical to its response to excitement; except that you can think when you are excited.

This was a real Aha Moment for me.  I do a lot of public speaking, but I often feel nervous or anxious just before I speak.

So, I tried it the other day when I gave a keynote address. I just kept telling myself that I was excited, and it worked. I felt way more confident on stage and I could think much clearer.

The reality was that I was excited. It is very exciting to be asked to speak in front of a group of people; to be invited to share my ideas and thoughts. But I can and have at times unintentionally sabotaged such experiences by getting so nervous that my brain stopped working and I would clamber for basic words or concepts.

As leaders, we can sometimes unintentionally sabotage ourselves by getting bogged...

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To exit interview or not to exit interview?

Uncategorized Mar 28, 2020

A director of a company, who had just found out that one of his favourite staff members had decided to resign, told me that he would not give this person any more of his time or energy and he would not, therefore, be offering her an exit interview.

He was personally very triggered by this person’s decision to leave.  He felt it was an attack on him. He felt that she was ungrateful and that she didn’t deserve anything extra from him or the company.

He also said that it would be a complete waste of time to conduct an exit interview because if she had a problem, she should have said so before she made the decision to jump ship so that they could have done something to address the problem.

I am confident that this person didn’t speak up beforehand because this director was not very good at receiving feedback. He had the potential to argue the point if people didn’t agree with him.

However, I think he is right… it is too late to try to fix problems...

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No need for judgement

Uncategorized Mar 27, 2020

On a recent red-eye flight to Sydney, the woman next to me put her backpack on her tray table, pulled her hoodie over her head and appeared to be sleeping.

The tea and coffee trolley came and went. She appeared to sleep through it all.

Fair enough – it was really early.

It was a bit of a bumpy flight; the seat belt sign came on about half an hour into the flight and they said over the loudspeaker that there would be no more hot drinks on this flight.

Eventually the woman next to me surfaced. It was just as the flight attendant was going past picking up the rubbish. My neighbour asked if she could have a drink.  A tea… no make that a coffee.

My first thought was “are you kidding me… you’ve slept through the foodservice and you are now wanting the flight attendant to drop everything and get you a hot drink.”  Then my self-righteous good girl persona kicked in and I thought “And you’ve asked for a hot drink and they are not...

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Contractors are people too

Uncategorized Mar 26, 2020

The other day a contractor received some feedback on their performance.  An email stating certain “facts”. These facts were the percentages of how much work the contractor had completed in a timely fashion.

These statistics suggested that the contractor was not meeting the standards set by the organisation. Uh oh.

That was the only information provided. No commentary on whether this was good or bad. No checking in. Just “facts”.

The contractor shrugged. This was common. A random email suggesting that their work was not meeting the target. No biggie. This happened all the time. They still kept being given work. This email was a non-story. It meant nothing. The organisation was just ticking a box saying they had provided feedback. Who cares? Delete!

This organisation really needs the work the contractor did to be completed.  It’s difficult work; work that no-one really wants to do. They struggle to find competent contractors. Everyone knows...

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